Coming Soon

I have a lot of shit going on in my normal life so it may take a while for this to take off lmao. Peace

What happens now? To seek the Holy Grail. And this enchanter of whom you speak, he has seen the grail? Oh, do us a favor... Sir Galahad! You would not be so ungallant as to refuse our hospitality. I know, but I want the girl that I marry to have... a certain... special... [music] ...something... There's the old man from Scene 24! Oh, shut up! That's it, that's it, you've got it. We're coming with you. Who leaps out? Yes, I think so. Thpppt! Now, you're not allowed to come in here, and we're-ugh! It IS the rabbit! Hello. Follow! But! follow only if ye be men of valor, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of four fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty big pointy teeth. Uh, I-I think uh, I could pull through, sir. Ha-ha! etc. Sorry, sorry. See what I mean, I just get carried away. I really must -- sorry, sorry! Sorry, everyone. They're doctors?! It is a good shrubbery. I like the laurels particularly. But there is one small problem. What a strange person. A Grail?! Quick! What does it say? Oooh! Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve 'aaggggh'. He'd just say it! Aaaaugh! Please! Um, yes. Right. [clop clop] Yay! Yay! The Lady of the Lake, [angels sing] her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king! To the north there lies a cave -- the cave of Kyre Banorg -- wherein, carved in mystic runes upon the very living rock, the last words of Ulfin Bedweer of Regett [boom] proclaim the last resting place of the most Holy Grail. Well, you have to know these things when you're a king you know. Hic! Make sure 'e doesn't leave. Yes, do us all a favor! It is Arthur, King of the Britons. Uh, they've had a basic medical training, yes. Well, let me have just a little bit of peril? There he is! We were in the nick of time, you were in great peril. Stand by for attack! God be praised! Look, let me go back in there and face the peril. Ask me the questions, bridge-keeper. I'm not afraid. What is your quest? Well, what are you then? Well, you see, the thing is, I thought your son was a lady. Knights of Nee, we are but simple travellers who seek the enchanter who lives beyond these woods. Thats a defensive weapon that is. No, no, no, oooooooh, in surprise and alarm. Oh-- Now... go! Oh, quite clear, no problems. Nee! I'm getting better! The Knights Who Say Nee. Look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide, it's a killer! The Tale of Sir Robin.... So each of the knights went their separate ways. Sir Robin rode north, through the dark forest of Ewing, accompanied by his favorite minstrels. We have the Holy Hand Grenade. I didn't know we had a king. I thought we were an autonomous collective. No, Sir Galahad, come on! Now look, I can tackle this lot single-handed! When danger reared its ugly head, He bravely turned his tail and fled Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! Oh, dear. Is he all right? What is that? I'm not interested! How do you do, good lady. I am Arthur, King of the Britons. Who's castle is that? I'd rather... just... [music] ...sing! The Grail -- it is here? O Knights of Nee, you are just and fair, and we will return with a shrubbery. For, since her own father... who, when he seemed about to recover, suddenly felt the icy hand of death upon him,... [ugh] Dramatically! Hee! Ha! [crash] Excuse me, could, uh, could somebody give me a push, please...? [dancing] Uh, I am a Knight of King Arthur, sir. Oh, yes. Saint Iiiives. But, Mother-- Hee hee ha ha! We have been for some time. Who are the Britons? No, we've got to find the Holy Grail. Come on! Who are they? You snore. Idiom, sir? Oh, if-if, oh-- I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough whopper! I fart in your general direction! You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of eldeberries. By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs,-- But you are dressed as one. Walk away. Just ignore them. Oh, I won't go. Are you saying 'nee' to that old woman? The Bridge of Death, which leads to the Grail? He's getting better! Right. [clop clop] Lead -- lead! Look! The dead Prince! Then I dub you Sir Bedemir, Knight of the Round Table. Frank! Oral sex! Oral sex! And, uh, make sure he doesn't leave. Oh, thank you, splendid, fine. [boom pweeng boom boom] But I don't want land. Uh, they've had a basic medical training, yes. Sir Galahad... the Chaste. I am. And this my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court of Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master. Now look, I can tackle this lot single-handed! Dramatically! Hee! Ha! [crash] Excuse me, could, uh, could somebody give me a push, please...? Quickly, sir! This way! We are now... no longer the Knights Who Say Nee. Well, I'll tell you... [music] He says they've already got one! Aauuggghhh. [clop clop] Then you are cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril. The Britons. I mean, if I went around sayin' I was an empereror just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me they'd put me away! I was looking for it. Noo! Look, please! In God's name, show me the Grail! Good idea, oh Lord! No, it's unhealthy. You got my note! Heh heh. Stop! What is your name? Like what? What is the capital of Assyria? What's he do, nibble your bum? Those who hear them seldom live to tell the tale! Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left. Well taken, Concorde! Stop! Who approaches the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, 'ere the other side he see. We shall say 'nee' again to you if you do not appease us. You don't suppose he meant the Camauuuugh? He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell! He's going to tell! What is your favorite color? Armaments, Chapter Two, Verses Nine to Twenty-One. And don't apologize. Every time I try to talk to someone it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy". What are you doing now!? Well,.... Go on, Boris. Chop his head off! Well, why not? He's come to rescue me, father. Yes. What does it say? I'm not dead! And now remain gone, illegitimate-faced bugger-folk! And, if you think you got nasty taunting this time, you ain't heard nothing yet! Daffy English kaniggets! Thpppt! No, it is far from-- Uh, I-I think uh, I could pull through, sir. How?! Now... go! I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch. Back to your bed! Idiom! Oh, Dennis, forget about freedom. Now I've dropped my mud. Let us taunt it! It may become so cross that it will make a mistake. We want... a shrubbery! [dramatic chord] I've had worse. Not to leave the room even if you come and get him. I do. [zoosh] You seek the Holy Grail! Well, you have to know these things when you're a king you know. Well, we all are. we're all Britons and I am your king. Oh, Robin! Yes, let me go, my liege. I will take him single-handed. I shall make a feint to the north-east-- Hurry, Sir Launcelot! Bravest of the brave Sir Robin Agh! Do your worst! Aaaaugh! Aaaugh! Victory is mine! [kneeling] We thank thee Lord, that in thy merc- [hah] So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood? Quiet, quiet. Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch. Look, stop that. There's the old man from Scene 24! Yes, he is. No! Oh, no! Bad, bad Zoot! What is your favorite color? Well, I can explain. I was in the forest, um, riding north from Camelot, when I got this note, you see-- Look, I'm a knight, I'm supposed to get as much peril as I can. In the frozen land of Nador they were forced to eat Robin's minstrels. And there was much rejoicing. A what? A what...? Oh, cut your own head off! Am I right? I got better. The Lady of the Lake, [angels sing] her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water signifying by Divine Providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. [singing stops] That is why I am your king! It's not the real Grail? He is sneaking away and buggering up-- I understand, my liege. None shall pass. No, no. Leaving the room. Bet you're gay! There's nothing wrong with that! Torment me no longer! I have seen the Grail! Right? I can't take him... To seek the Holy Grail. No, it's unhealthy. What language is that? Oh, but you are tired, and you must rest awhile. Midget! Crepper! Get back. Shut up! You only killed the bride's father, that's all! Launcelot! Launcelot! [angels singing] Good luck, brave Sir Launcelot. God be with you. Ha-ha! etc. He beat a very brave retreat How you English say, I one more time-a unclog my nose in your direction, sons of a window-dresser! So, you think you could out-clever us French folk with your silly knees-bent running about advancing behavior! I wave my private parts at your aunties, you heaving lot of second-hand electric donkey bottom biters. Perhaps- You don't suppose he meant the Camauuuugh? We are now... no longer the Knights Who Say Nee. Stop! Who approaches the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, 'ere the other side he see. Just keep me covered. But I don't want land. If you do not tell us where we can buy a shrubbery, my friend and I will say... we will say... 'nee'. The Castle Anthrax? No, I'm not. Don't like her?! What's wrong with her? She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got huge... tracts of land. It's Aramaic! Well, let me have just a little bit of peril? Oral sex! Oral sex! Oh, bloody hell. Aaaaugh! Three. Three. And we'd better not risk another frontal assault, that rabbit's dynamite. You're not fooling anyone y'know. Look, isn't there something you can do? Hic! Well, simple! They'd just use a standard creeper! What is the capital of Assyria? Walk away. Just ignore them. Right, we'll stay here until you get back. Exactly! So, logically..., Cider! But Father, I don't want any of that. No, I feel fine, actually, sir. And you. Oh, wicked, bad, naughty, evil Zoot! Oh, she is a naughty person, and she must pay the penalty -- and here in Castle Anthrax, we have but one punishment for setting alight the grail-shaped beacon. You must tie her down on a bed and spank her! Heh heh. Stop! What is your name? The Knights Who Say Nee demand a sacrifice! No, we didn't... no. They're nervous, sire. I'm not dead! Yes, I think so. Hey! I've got a great idea. Why doesn't Launcelot go? Quick! Come on and we'll cover your escape! Oh, do us a favor... Look, my liege! There! Look! Oh, yes. Saint Iiiives. The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on then. [whop] [ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's other leg off] Well, I didn't know you were called 'Dennis.' Yes. Well, 'ow did you become king then? Uh, so, uh, anything you can do to, uh, to help, would be... very... helpful... He knows of a cave, a cave which no man has entered. 'Allo! Who is zis? Launcelot! Launcelot! What is this test, O Knights of-- Knights Who 'Til Recently Said Nee? Aaaaugh! Look! I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough whopper! I fart in your general direction! You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of eldeberries. Perhaps he was dictating. Old woman! Nee! Nee! Nee! Nee! [clop clop] I don't know that! Auuuuuuuugh! Are you saying 'nee' to that old woman? Aaaaugh! Burn! Oh, I don't think so. Hello. Well, that's, uh, awfully nice of you. Oh, I remember. Uh, can he leave the room with us? Oh we're tough and able Quite indefatigable Between our quests we sequin vests And impersonate Clark Gable It's a bit too loud in Camelot I have to push the pram a lot. I can't. But I don't like her. We shall attack at once! What? I'm Sir Launcelot, sir. When danger reared its ugly head, He bravely turned his tail and fled This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedemir. Explain again how sheeps' bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes. I'm averting my eyes, oh Lord. Uh, here, here in this forest. Ah, hee he he ha! You fight with the strength of many men, Sir knight. I am Arthur, King of the Britons. [pause] I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me in my Court of Camelot. [pause] You have proved yourself worthy; will you join me? [pause] You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy. Didn't mean to?! You put your sword right through his head! A year passed. Winter changed into Spring. Spring changed into Summer. Summer changed back into Winter. And Winter gave Spring and Summer a miss and went straight on into Autumn. Until one day... Pretty nice castle, Camelot. Uh, pretty good pig country.... But, Father! Um, yes. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. Then I dub you Sir Bedemir, Knight of the Round Table. Packing it in and packing it up And sneaking away and buggering up And chickening out and pissing about Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge Be quiet! I order you to be quiet! Pull the other one! Well, I'll tell you... [music] What a strange person. Nee! Why? Well taken, Concorde! Would you, uh, like to come and have a drink? Good Sir knight, will you come with me to Camelot, and join us at the Round Table? We must examine you. What is it? Yes. Order, eh -- who does he think he is? Nee! Nee! You're in great peril! Charge! [squeak squeak] The pond! Yes! Tackle us single-handed! If you do not open this door, we shall take this castle by force! [splat] In the name of God and the glory of our-- [splat] Right! That settles it! Oooh! No, no. You don't vote for kings. Bloody peasant! Too late! [chord] Yes! The what? Common, common. Put him in the van. Get a blanket on that one. You've come to rescue me! Launcelot! Launcelot! Must be a king. It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a 1 pound coconut. [wailing] Stop! Who would cross the Bridge of Death must answer me these questions three, 'ere the other side he see. Um, I think when I'm in this idiom, I sometimes get a bit, uh, sort of carried away. How dare you profane this place with your presence!? I command you, in the name of the Knights of Camelot, to open the doors of this sacred castle, to which God himself has guided us! Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve 'aaggggh'. He'd just say it! By what name are you known? It's a fair cop. Yes, I see. "And Saint Atila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'Oh, Lord, bless this thy hand grenade that with it thou mayest blow thy enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and people did feast upon the lambs, and sloths, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and large --" What? So be it! [hah] [parry thrust] [ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's left arm off] So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway... [clop clop] I am ready! [starts to leave] Would it help to confuse it if we run away more? And the hat -- but she is a witch! All right, all right, not biscuits, but lets kill him anyway. Shut up! Will you shut up! Oh, just some friends. I never! Please! Quite. [pweeng boom] [clap clap clap] Stop that, stop that, stop it! Stop it! Who are you? Well, what's that then? Yes. Herbert. We live in a bloody swamp. We need all the land we can get. Quick! I knew that someone would, I knew that somewhere out there... there must be... [music] ...someone... Is that clear?